Tidbits of Our Lives
by berryfuls
Summary: A collection of drabbles and oneshots based around the romantic relationships through the S2 finale. Most are Sam/Andy-centric.


**This is a little different from everything else I've ever done. Instead of making them oneshots, I decided to lump all of these little drabbles together. I plan on writing more of these and adding them on as chapters, so story alert if you like!**

**Enjoy :)**

* * *

><p><strong>Doghouse<strong>

"I guess we're both in the doghouse."

What does it mean to be in the doghouse? What does it really mean?

To Luke, it meant not being in Andy's life anymore. It meant not coming home each day to her warm smile and casual dinner waiting for him. It meant not being there for her.

Maybe that was the worst part of this whole predicament. Someone else was the focal point of her attentions. Someone else was getting that beautiful smile. It was someone else who was going to be there for her when she needed him. And that someone went by the name of Sam Swarek.

For Gail, it meant there was another person who had been turned into a cold shell because of her. It meant another friendship ruined because she was careless and didn't clarify the facts. It meant she had succeeded in her goal of not being her mother, if only in a negative way.

At least Dov and Chris were friends again. If the two of them hadn't made up, she would have never forgiven herself. A silly little slip of the tongue shouldn't be enough to ruin their bromance. She was okay with playing the bad guy as long as they didn't hate each other.

They had both made mistakes and they both should have seen it coming. They should have seen the cracks that allowed those mistakes to slip through and cause greater damage. He should have said no to Jo and stopped before the situation became real. She should have gotten Dov to come down from the medicine high, gotten him to clarify. She shouldn't have let Chris get away from her.

However, at the same time, being in the doghouse had opened their eyes to the other outsiders, the other rejected. Especially with each other.

A part of him would always love the girl who put up with his crap, the one strong enough to be weak sometimes. A part of her would always feel for the man who had grown up before her eyes, becoming a person worth knowing. That much was true.

But they were they were change, for something different. So they found each other.

Welcome to the doghouse, indeed.

* * *

><p><strong>Who You Are To Me<strong>

When she first met him, Andy McNally did not like Sam Swarek. He was sarcastic, harsh, and just all around rude. She did what she thought was right that day.

The fault lay with Jerry, really. But she knew he wasn't about to go off on one of his best friends. So instead, she was the bad guy in his disillusion of a world and he was going to do anything to get away from her.

Naturally, like any predictable love story, that hate grew to dislike to neutrality to fondness to friendship to crush to love. They really should have seen it coming.

What was it about her that made him want to be a better person? Was it her charm, her smile, her intoxicating laugh? He couldn't place his finger on it.

There was just something about her that made him feel him feel alive. It was what undercover operations made him feel but deeper, rawer, better. All he knew was that he was a lost cause and may as well accept his fate - he had fallen for the forbidden fruit that was named Andrea McNally.

So what was it about him that pulled her to him like a moth to a flame in the intensity of a dark night? It was probably his way of lightening the heavy situations they were subjected to regularly. Or maybe it was his charming sense of humor, the lame jokes stolen from a book having found a new target. Possibly it was his mysterious nature. Every time she peeled back another layer, she was always pleasantly surprised with some hidden talent or a fact about him that few got the privilege of knowing.

There was just one tiny detail standing in the way of their inevitable relationship - her involvement with a tall, blonde, blue-eyed detective by the name of Luke Callaghan. An involvement practically doomed from the start despite the true emotions behind it. Maybe it was destiny that prevented him from staying away from his ex. Anyhow, she ended it and found herself in a not altogether bad holding pattern with Sam.

They needed to work on their timing, that's for sure. She realizes her need of him within minutes of his leaving for undercover. She finds him undercover and they establish a relationship at the worst possible time possible. They both get suspended and aren't allowed to see each other.

But then again, normalcy was never their strong suit.

* * *

><p><strong>A Moment of Self-Loathing<strong>

He didn't deserve her.

Every night before he went to sleep, he thought that. It became a mantra, a cruel rhythm pounding away in his head. _I don't deserve her. I don't deserve her. That's why she's curled up with someone else right now. Someone better-looking, someone more predictable, someone better._

In these frequent moments of self-loathing, he would stare at the phone, willing it to ring. He wanted for her to just know how she made him feel about himself. He wanted her to know and he wanted her to be the one to say that he was wrong. More than anything, he wanted to deserve someone like her.

He may not be the most reliable person in the world. Or the handsomest. Or the smartest. Or the funniest. Or- the list went on and on. It was a sick game his mind liked to play on him. It enjoyed pointing out his flaws. It found pleasure in the fact that he couldn't pinpoint why she would ever feel for a person like him.

It's one thing for other people to say things about you. You can choose believe it or you can just ignore it. In his case, it tended to be the latter. Other people's opinions didn't bother him because they're just that - opinions. It just didn't matter to him.

But it's another thing entirely when it's yourself that calls you weak or selfish or worthless. That idea takes hold and refuses to let go. Ideas are difficult to kill.

So when he's alone, he lets the accusations fill his consciousness. It threatens to overwhelm him, suck him under a deep, dark abyss from which only her sweet innocence could save him.

_I don't deserve her. _

_I will never deserve her. _

_That's why she doesn't love me._

_She's with him. She considers me a friend._

_I would only deserve her when she realizes that she deserves me. _

_But that just starts a twisted, twisted cycle that seems impossible to break._

* * *

><p><strong>Little Green Monster<strong>

To someone who didn't know them, they were friends. Colleagues. Companions, even. If you didn't know them, you probably wouldn't see the undeniable spark between them.

And if you didn't know them, I would probably envy you. All the time I hear "Sam this" and "Sam that." Never once has she turned to me and said "Hey Gail. How's it going with Chris?" She wouldn't really care, no. But it was the thought that counted - the thought she clearly lacked.

Talking to him was no better. If anything, it was probably worse. He seemed to despise conversation, responding in one syllable answers unless absolutely necessary. I could remember a time when he was fond of me. He would pleasantly patrol with me and we would go to the Penny together afterwards. If I had been over Chris, I probably would have tried to take things up a notch. Not that it would matter - he's had his sights on Andy since her very first day.

It was irritating and frustrating. I may not be Andy's bestest friend in the whole wide world, but I wouldn't intentionally hurt her. We were part of a service that required the utmost trust and faith in each other. As long she kept her business to her herself, I'd do the same.

I'm not sure why I wish she would have showed an inch of sympathy for me in the breakup with Chris. I mean, we've been broken up for weeks now. He made up with Dov and I'm back to being the social outcast with Doghouse Luke as my only companion.

That brings us to the lovely topic of Detective Luke Callaghan. Strong, loyal, caring, hard-working Luke who was, for reasons unknown to me, no longer with Andy McNally. I'm only supposed to keep my paws off one of her faithful servants. I'll happily give up Sam Swarek (shall I say Sam McNally?) for the amazing specimen that is the poster boy detective. Maybe I can pull him out his funk surrounding the end of the engagement to and relationship with Andy. Maybe I can renew him to his former glory.

Andy and I may not get along, but she better respect my decisions and not let any deep seated jealousy stop me.

Because I never stopped her.

* * *

><p><strong>On Her Best Behavior<strong>

She hated his undercover cases passionately. She hated not knowing where he was, what he was doing, if he was okay or not. It led to a lot of sleepless nights and hundreds of horrible scenarios her overacting mind conjure up.

When they finally got together and Boyd was fired for covering up the case, she had thought that his UC days were over. But the guy who took Boyd's position was even more ambitious.

The man offered Sam each and every case available and Sam turned down all of them. He claimed that almost being drowned and beaten to death had severed whatever connection he felt to the work, but Andy couldn't help but wonder if he didn't leave because of her.

As much as she didn't want him to go, she also didn't want to be the reason he left the line of work that interested him so much. And he was _good_ at it. If he could save lives risking his own, who was she to tell him he can't?

It wasn't long until the new Guns 'n' Gangs guy found a simple case, three months tops, that was practically tailor made for Sam. One last job and he'd let Sam go. Sam couldn't say no.

A week later and he was gone, out of her life, becoming a completely new person she would barely recognize. She made a point of avoiding places he might go to, not wanting a repeat of the Jamie Brennan case. The last thing she needed was to complete a trifecta of undercover ops she had ruined for him.

So she was on her best behavior, even appointing herself the one to keep up with his house. It was a slow time period. Despite finishing within two months, he couldn't be back soon enough.

While she may hate his UC ops, she loved his homecomings.

* * *

><p><strong>Stay With Me<strong>

"You promised you wouldn't do this, you know," she said softly. Her eyes flicked from him to a random spot away from him. "The night I told you that Luke and I had broken up. That you wouldn't leave me. Together forever."

"I'm doing this to protect you." She closed her eyes in resignation and he sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. He couldn't think of a scenario that would be easy, but this was definitely the worst case. "I know how it looks- like I'm choosing undercover work over you. Like I'm doing exactly what Callaghan did. It's not like that."

Her eyes opened again slowly and she looked at him. "You're right. It isn't like that at all. Luke may have cancelled dates or plans because of work. But at least I got to talk to him, got to see him every day." She shook her head, trying to hold back the tears. He hated that he was the one doing this to her. "You're canceling our entire future together. Our entire life. It could be months before I see you again." The hand that had been resting in his pulled away slightly, just out of his reach. He should have known it would be like this.

"You could always bust in on me and arrest me again. I'll try to act surprised." His attempt at humor was half-hearted and she didn't even smile. If anything, her disappointment/sadness/anger just darkened more.

"This isn't funny, Sam! I thought you were different-"

"I _am_ different."

She raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Really? Everyone in my life has left me at some point. I thought you would be the one to finally be the exception but…. you're not."

He threw up his hands in exasperation. "Andy, I said yes to this job before you had broken up with him, before we were even something. It was going to be my escape from having to watch you and him be what I always wanted with you. I was sick of that torture." He added a little more quietly, "There were some days I didn't even think you liked being in the same room as me. Forgive me for wanting to get away from that."

She had nothing to say to that. He went on.

"You had told me that you were moving in with him. Normally when a couple moves in together, it's serious. So… I decided I had to get out of there. As fast and as painlessly as possible."

She nodded her head the tiniest fraction of an inch and cracked a sad smile. "Just… don't get hurt. Keep yourself safe so you can come back to me."

"I promise."

* * *

><p><strong>A Smile<strong>

A smile, that's all it took.

Technically, it was a million other things that made him fall for her, but in the end it is that first smile that stole his heart.

He remembers that day like it was yesterday, preserving it in his mind fiercely. There was no way he could allow himself to forget it. That day was the catalyst for a chain reaction that's lasted up to this day, this minute, this second. It's constantly changing, how he feels for her. Some days it's frustration, other days it's amusement. Sympathy, sadness, irritability, joy, and the one thing that prevents all that from being so simple: love.

He protected her. That was a constant in their line of work.

The training officer wasn't supposed to protect the rookie like this. They were supposed to train the rookie how to protect themselves because one day… that training officer will just be a fellow officer. But he made a conscious effort to keep her safe. It was more than just an assignment to him – if she got hurt, he would never forgive himself.

That day a few months ago, when she had almost been choked to death by the prisoner they were transporting and almost lost, he didn't sleep that night. He kept running the scenario through his head. How his heart had stopped when he saw Ray, the prisoner with one hand over her mouth and the other squeezing on her throat. How he hadn't even thought as he pulled Ray off her, cuffing him. How he had never taken his eyes off her as she caught her breath, found her gun on the ground, and made her way back to him.

She had gotten a pretty deep gash on her leg and he helped her up onto the hood of the squad so he could get a bandage on it. Despite his promise not to say anything about Sarah, he found himself opening up about the attack. He was rewarded with the small detail of her life. Her dad used to take her camping every summer. They eventually came to the topic of the night of the city blackout, and Callaghan. Beneath the jealousy, he just wanted her to be happy. Even if that meant having to give her up.

They were _friends_. But good God, he wanted so much more.

* * *

><p><strong>Movie Night<strong>

Andy answered the door with a smile and invited her visitor inside. She greeted him with a hug and a quick kiss. "Finally! I was starting to think you got kidnapped by Boyd or something."

He glared at her in mock-annoyance. "Very funny, Andy. I don't think he does kidnapping. He's all bark, no bite." He turned towards the entertainment system in her new apartment. "Looks good so far."

"I beg to differ," she muttered, pushing him gently towards the leaning tower of technology. "I have no idea where any of the cables go, I'm pretty sure the DVD player is upside down, and it's very possible I lost the manuals somewhere in… there." She pointed at the mess of cables behind the entertainment system. Sam just shook his head and set about fixing the arrangement. It took him about ten minutes to connect everything and organize the heap. Compared to Andy's two and a half hours, it seemed like the great beyond decided that she was allowed at least one miracle today. And it's not like she didn't appreciate his teasing comments at her failed attempt with electronics.

"Okay, I think that will do it. Let's try it out, shall we?" He glanced over at her with a smirk. She grinned back in excitement, happy to have completed one more thing on her settling in checklist. He turned on the TV and flipped through a couple channels before deciding to try out the DVD player. "Movie?"

She reached into a box next to the couch she was sitting on and grabbed one at random. Without looking at it, she handed it over. However, when he saw the cover, he snorted in laughter. "What?" she asked defensively.

"Seriously?" He turned the case back towards her and she burst out laughing. "Why do you even have this?"

She shrugged as he put her copy of Paranormal Activity in the DVD player. "Rookies' night gone horribly wrong. It's a terrible movie but scared the crap out of five drunk people in a really dark house." She continued chuckling, remembering that night. "Have you seen it?"

He shook his head, sitting down next to her as the movie started. "Seen the commercials for it, but I'm not a huge fan of ghost stories."

Her eyes widened at him and instantly made her decision. "You have to stay and watch it." She grabbed the remote out of his hand, paused it, and went into the kitchen to make some popcorn before he even had time to protest.

"What if I have plans already?" he asked, watching her in amusement.

She glanced at him incredulously. "Sam Swarek, having plans with someone other than me? Impossible. Or at least, improbable." Her attention turned back towards the popcorn bag that was just starting to pop.

"I'm offended that you think I have no life outside us."

"I don't think. I know." He looked like he was a little hurt by that, so she decided to ease up on him. "Oliver told me today that it's his anniversary and Jerry is with Traci and Leo." She smirked. "The rookies know all."

"The point of training officers would disagree." He was back to his sarcastic, amused state and she was happy that he wasn't taking her banter that seriously. She laughed and got the popcorn out, along with a couple beers, flicked off the lights and settled in next to him for the movie.


End file.
